Discernment is hard. In fact, I think it is the hardest aspect of the Christian life, to try to find the will of God in our lives. To try to understand the grand scheme and how our little life fits into it.
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How do we KNOW? What if we make a mistake? A MISTAKE?
A holy priest once said that if you stay in one place, God can direct you anywhere He wishes, but you will stay in one place, going around in circles.
If, however, you take a step forward, in ANY direction, but move forward...He can then direct your path.
That image has stayed with me for many years, and often been the impetus to step out in faith.
It is an act of faith to step out boldly. Or tentatively. It takes, believing with all your heart and soul, that God walks beside you. He has purpose, and does not reveal it to us, except one step at a time. Knowing that God's will is in uncertainties that lie ahead is perhaps, some small comfort.
Even St. Thomas appears to be baffled by God. Ultimately, even with all of St. Thomas' knowledge and understanding, he still needed to walk in faith. One of my favourite lines out of Adoro te Devote is where Saint Thomas says that he is "lost, all lost in wonder, at the God thou art."
Recently I was pondering that one line, and why it resonated so deeply with me. It's because Saint Thomas reeled, too, from the immensity of God, the power of God, the will of God in his own life. In his holiness, his humility, his brilliance...Saint Thomas, too, was "lost."
I suspect he wondered, "Why, God?" and "What next, Lord?"
Just like the rest of us.
View from the hilltop castle of the Aquino family